Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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