good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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