I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
