I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
