You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
