omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
