I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
