I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize