On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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