Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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