I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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