it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
