She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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