I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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