she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
