i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
