i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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