i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize