My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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