Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
