the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
