I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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