dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
