His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
