he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
