non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
