Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
