my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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