We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
