btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
