On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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