loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
