omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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