Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
