I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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