he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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