one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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