where am i from again
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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