sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
