i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
