You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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