I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize