Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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