I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
