My Higher Power is John Stamos
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
