Yo dont text me then not text me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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