YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize