just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
