So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
