I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
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I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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