my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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