dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
