Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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