I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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