If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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