i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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