I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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