Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize