i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
