your thong is hanging out like whoa
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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