he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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