I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I look better un-naked...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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